My December
by Redd Phoenix
Summary: After thirteen years, two friends need to get reacquainted. [Sirius/Remus]


TITLE: My December [1/2]  
AUTHOR: Samantha  
EMAIL: kali_neba@hotmail.com  
DISTRIBUTION: Azkaban's Lair. Anyone else, please ask first.  
SPOILERS: all four books, specifically PoA and GoF  
RATING/CONTENT: PG-13, Sirius/Remus, slash  
SUMMARY: The first snowfall of the year, and two old friends need to get reacquainted   
after thirteen years.  
DISCLAIMERS: Not mine. The characters belong to JK Rowling. The plot is mine. The title   
and quoted lyrics (the beginning and end) come from 'My December' by Linkin Park.  
  
This is my December  
This is my snow covered home  
This is my December  
This is me alone  
This is my December  
These are my snow covered dreams  
This is me pretending  
This is all I need  
  
A week before Christmas the first snow of the year began to fall over Hogwarts. An   
unseasonably warm autumn had delivered daily downpours, causing the Slytherin dungeon   
to flood twice (to the joy of Gryffindor). Leaning back against the windowsill, arms   
crossed, letting the cool breeze from the slightly open window move over him, Sirius   
Black watched the snow fall and an occasional owl soar across the almost full moon.  
  
His silent contemplation was interrupted when a faint movement out of the corner of   
his eye caught his attention. Glancing down he caught sight of three pairs of   
footprints trudging across the new layer of snow. Seeing no bodies to accompany the   
footprints and hearing the faint giggles coming through the open window, Sirius felt   
a small smile tug at the corners of his lips as he watched the three Gryffindors make   
their way through the snow to Hagrid's cabin. He blinked, returning his gaze back to   
the moon, as his thoughts drifted back to his own fifth year at Hogwarts.  
  
******************  
  
"Tell me again why we're doing this?" Remus demanded as Sirius dug through James's   
chest.  
  
"Because we've got to get to Hogsmeade to pick up our Christmas present for James   
and Lily," Sirius replied, tossing a pile of clothes out of his way.  
  
"No, I meant, tell me why I'm helping you get us both expelled," Remus corrected.  
  
"Because you find me horribly attractive," Sirius replied grinning up at his friend.   
Remus shook his head.  
  
"No, that's why Mary O'Brien helps you in Potions."  
  
"Oh. Right. You're helping me because we're friends." Remus raised an eyebrow. "Fine.   
It's because when they open their present, they're going to be extremely happy, and   
seeing them happy makes us happy. Now, here. Hold this." With that Sirius thrust   
the Marauders' Map into Remus's hands.  
  
"And, now, we're stealing."  
  
"We are not stealing," Sirius replied, jumping up in triumph holding the invisibility   
cloak out in front of him. "We're just borrowing."  
  
"You know, we could have just had the package delivered," Remus stated. Sirius turned   
to face him blinking, looking as if he was considering that idea for the first time.   
Then he grinned.  
  
"Where's the danger in that?" he asked.  
  
"That's the point. There is none."  
  
"Moony's afraid?" Sirius asked, eyes wide in mock surprise.  
  
"I am not."  
  
"Are so."  
  
"Am -- " Remus broke off with a low growl. "Fine," he muttered, grabbing the cloak   
while simultaneously passing Sirius the map. He tossed the cloak over his shoulder's   
disappearing from sight. "Come on, Sirius, let's get out of here before James and   
Lily get back."  
  
"I knew you'd come through in the end, Moony," Sirius laughed, slipping under the   
cloak.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Padfoot."  
  
******************  
  
A sudden knock on the heavy oak of his door startled Sirius out of his memories. He   
pushed away from the wall, walking towards the door, stopping in the center of the   
room when he caught the scent of the person at the door. He crossed his arms across   
his chest as the knock sounded again.  
  
"Come in, Remus. It's open," Sirius stated, his voice rough, a mixture of tightly   
reigned emotions and too much time spent in a form other than human. The door swung   
inward, revealing a thin figure silhouetted by the hallway's torches.   
  
Sirius felt his breath catch, as his visitor stepped over the threshold, closing the   
door behind him. Remus turned back to him and watched Sirius with guarded eyes.  
  
"Sirius," he greeted, his voice soft yet the tiniest bit hoarse. Silence descended   
on them, as if neither one wished to be the first to speak. Seconds stretched into   
minutes, and Sirius used that time, as awkward as it was, to study his friend, leaning  
uncomfortably against the oak door. A tattered and patched up, black robe clung to   
an almost painfully thin body, and Remus's light brown hair had grown longer, now   
reaching an inch past his shoulders and curling slightly at the ends. His eyes moved   
up Remus's body to his face, finally meeting his friend's golden eyes.  
  
Sirius cleared his throat. "Right," he muttered, "Did you need something?" His question   
came out cold, and he hadn't meant it too. Guilt surged in his heart as pain flashed   
through Remus's eyes. The pain disappeared quickly, however, and Remus smiled tightly,   
the warmth never fully reaching his eyes.  
  
"You cut your hair," Remus finally said, causing Sirius to subconsciously run a hand   
through his recently cropped hair.  
  
"Dumbledore thought it would be a good idea. Said it would make me look less like   
Sirius Black, escaped convict, and more like a respectable, yet anonymous, wizard."  
  
"It looks good on you." Sirius met Remus's eyes again, resisting the urge to gather   
the man up into his arms. Sirius stepped back slightly, putting more distance between   
him and his friend. His movement did not go unnoticed by Remus. "I'll be going."   
Remus turned to leave, and Sirius let out a frustrated growl.  
  
"Damn you, Moony," he muttered, striding across the room and grabbing Remus's wrist,   
turning him away from the door and halting him. That brief touch sent a shock through   
the both of them, and more memories sprung unbidden into Sirius's mind.  
  
******************  
  
One second Sirius was trying to dig his way through his Arthimancy homework and the   
next he found himself propelled out his chair and pushed up against the wall of the   
Gryffindor Common Room by Remus. He glanced down into the furious eyes of his friend   
and felt the first twinges of fear creep into his stomach.  
  
"I can't believe you did that," Remus snarled, baring his teeth in anger.  
  
"I'm sorry, Moony, I didn't think--"  
  
"No, you didn't. I could have been expelled. I could have been arrested." He growled   
again. "They would have sent me to Azkaban, or, more than likely, I would have been   
put down like a rabid animal." Remus released Sirius suddenly and turned away from him.   
"Do you even care?"  
  
"Of course, I care, Moony. I just...I got angry. Snape was saying things, spreading   
rumors, and I got mad." Sirius watched his friend, trying to find the right words to   
make Remus understand. "You know how I get. I couldn't think straight. I wanted him   
to pay."  
  
"You used me, then." Remus turned back to him, glaring at Sirius with cold eyes. "I   
was a weapon, a tool, never a friend."  
  
"I didn't...God, I'm sorry, Moony. I swear I didn't mean...I just...I'm sorry."   
  
"What did Snape say?" Remus asked suddenly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"What did Snape say? He said something to get you mad enough to want him dead. What.   
Did. He. Say?"  
  
"You don't want to know. Trust me."  
  
"Sirius!" His name came out in a half-shout, half-bark.  
  
"He was saying that the reason you left every month was to meet with the Death Eaters,   
that if we searched you we would find the Dark Mark." Sirius sighed. "I told him that   
if he really wanted to know where you were that all he had to do was get past the   
Willow."  
  
"And then you told him how." Sirius nodded.  
  
"I swear I wasn't thinking. I didn't...I didn't consider what would happen. I should   
have. I should have let Prongs handle it."  
  
"Yeah, you really should have." With that Remus walked past Sirius towards the stairs   
leading to the boys dorm, and he walked up to his bed, not saying another word to his   
friend who collapsed onto the floor.  
  
******************  
  
"That's the first time you've called me 'Moony' since we arrived at Hogwarts," Remus   
commented, quietly. Sirius glanced at his friend, not yet releasing his grip on Remus's   
wrist. "Mostly 'Remus', occasionally 'Lupin', never 'Moony'."  
  
"I didn't realize," Sirius whispered in reply.  
  
"Are you angry with me?"  
  
"What? No. Why?"  
  
"You've been avoiding me since we got here. You've been too busy to linger at dinner,   
and always in a hurry to leave." Remus turned fully to him, causing Sirius to release   
his wrist. "You have barely said a word to me since we left London." He caught Sirius's   
eyes. "Are you still angry that I believed you were guilty?"  
  
"Of course not," Sirius replied, his words harsh, "The evidence was overwhelming.   
If I hadn't known I was innocent, I would believed it myself." He blinked suddenly,   
cocking his head at Remus. "I thought we were good at the Shrieking Shack?"  
  
"I did too," Remus stated, "But then you hardly ever wrote while you were gone. I   
thought you had changed your mind."  
  
"Moony," Sirius sighed, stepping forward slightly, "I didn't write often because I   
didn't want the Ministry thinking that you knew where I was. I didn't want you to be   
handed to the Dementors." He laughed suddenly, causing Remus to cock an eyebrow at him.   
"Sorry. I was just thinking that I probably should have mentioned that when I wrote."  
  
"Yeah, you probably should have," Remus stated, grinning in return, the smile finally   
reaching his eyes.   
  
"I'm sorry for the past months, Moony," Sirius commented, his grin slowly dissolving   
from his features. "I've been...totally inconsiderate, actually. I should have made   
time between errands."  
  
"Sirius Black, being completely honest, for once." Remus grinned. "I should check with  
Dumbledore, make sure the world didn't end in the last few seconds."  
  
"Oh, ta very much, Remus," Sirius muttered, another smile threatening to break out on   
his lips, "Nice to see your sense of humor hasn't suffered at all."  
  
"I've missed you, Padfoot. You know that, right?"  
  
"I know, Moony, I know. I've missed you too." Once again the pair fell into silence,   
although a more comfortable one this time. Sirius glanced up at his friend, his eyes   
finding Remus's, and his mouth opened as he searched for words. Sirius had so much to   
tell Remus, everything that had occurred in twelve years, every tiny glimmer of happiness   
that had lain buried under misery, pain, and loneliness for that time.   
  
"Do you realize that the only happiness in my mind that survived Azkaban was your smile?"  
  
"What?" Remus whispered. Sirius didn't reply, preferring the embarrassed silence   
rather than risk saying something else.  
  
"You heard me," he managed softly.  
  
"I-I have to go. Dumbledore needed me to stop by..." Remus stated turning away from   
Sirius.  
  
"Moony, wait, please," Sirius stated as Remus reached for the door. Remus turned   
slightly, glancing over his shoulder at him. "Do you remember the morning after   
James and Lily...."  
  
"I remember," Remus replied  
  
******************  
  
Someone was pounding on his front door. Usually something like that didn't bother   
Remus, he was a morning person after all, but the change made it especially difficult   
for Remus to get up before noon. Dragging himself up to his feet, he grabbed the robe   
resting on the back of his couch and pulled it over his head as he walked to the door.   
Pulling it open, Remus was confronted with someone he hadn't seen in weeks.  
  
"Sirius? What's going on?" he asked, taking in his friend's worn appearance and   
red-rimmed eyes. "Sirius, has something happened?" A low growl sounded from the dark   
haired man as he stepped over the threshold. He grabbed Remus's shoulders, pulling   
the man against him, into a tight hug. "Sirius? Would you explain what you're doing,   
please?"  
  
"Moony, I...." Sirius growled again, blues glittering. His hand moved up to cup   
Remus's chin, his thumb stroking Remus's bottom lip lightly. "I'm so sorry, Moony.   
I shouldn't have ever...." He trailed off again, his eyes never leaving Remus's.  
  
"Has something happened to James and Lily?"  
  
"Moony, please, you have to forgive me. I never meant to...I should have known better."  
  
"You aren't making sense, Sirius," Remus stated, "Start at the--" The rest of his   
reply was cut off when Sirius's lips found his. Tasting of desperation and tears,   
Sirius pulled Remus against him, holding him in place with a hand at the small of   
his back and another tangled in his hair.  
  
This kiss was, in simple terms, amazing. Although Remus really did not have a lot   
to judge with, considering his disappearing act once a month never allowed for   
long term relationships, this kiss was perfect, the right amount of pressure and   
tongue, and just a hint of pain as Sirius's blunt teeth tugged softly on Remus's   
lower lip.  
  
Remus moaned, lacing his arms around Sirius's waist, his hand unconsciously pulling   
Sirius's shirt out of the waistband of his jeans, Remus's fingers trailing along the   
line of flesh revealed by the movement of the shirt. Sirius shuddered, pulling away   
slightly, his breath coming in gasps.   
  
"Padfoot?" Remus managed to ask, just before Sirius leaned forward again, his lips   
claiming his again. This time Remus retained his free will, reluctantly pushing   
Sirius away from him. "Sirius, what is going on?"  
  
"Moony? Mooney, I need to tell you something." Sirius licked his lips, "You have   
to listen to me. You have to understand."  
  
"What? Padfoot, tell me," Remus said.  
  
"I love you, Moony. And, not just as friends, and not as a crush, and I had to   
tell you that I love you because there's something I have to do." He smiled slightly.   
"I love you." He turned away from Remus, heading back towards the door.   
  
"Sirius! Wait! You just can't go. What's going on?"  
  
"I can't, Moony. Just trust me, please. I'll be back, and I'll explain everything.   
I promise."  
  
"Padfoot...."  
  
"Moony, trust me."  
  
******************  
  
"I meant what I said then. I still mean it," Sirius commented, "Thirteen years   
hasn't changed anything."  
  
"Sirius," Remus began.  
  
"Remus," Sirius replied.  
  
"I need to go talk to Dumbledore," he stated.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's personal, Sirius."  
  
"So? Tell me. I've poured my heart out to you before," Sirius replied.  
  
"The last time you truly poured your heart out to me was when Venus Vaughn dumped   
you for the Hufflepuff Seeker."  
  
"Your point?"  
  
"Are you ever going to leave me alone?"  
  
"Do you want me too?" Sirius's voice had gone quiet and soft.  
  
"Damn it, Sirius." It was Remus's turn to growl, covering the distance between   
them with long strides. "You frustrate me." With that, Remus pulled him into his   
arms, meeting Sirius's mouth with his own, the hunger of the wolf fueling already   
erratic emotions. His lips maneuvered Sirius's apart, their tongues meeting   
briefly, before Remus pulled away.  
  
"Dumbledore can wait, right?" Sirius asked, pressing his forehead against Remus's.   
"Please?"  
  
Remus sighed. "Puppy dog eyes don't work on me, Padfoot." He pulled away slightly,   
but not completely out of Sirius's embrace. "I'm requesting that Dumbledore allow   
me to assist you in the coming months."  
  
"That'd be a little redundant, Moony," Sirius grinned, "Already told Dumbledore   
that I wasn't going anywhere without you."  
  
"And he agreed?"  
  
"Of course," Sirius replied, shocked that Remus would think that Dumbledore would   
do anything but agree. "He figures that I can keep your changes from being rough   
when we're away from Hogwarts."  
  
"Funny, I was going to argue that I'd prevent you from getting us both killed."  
  
"Real witty, Moony," Sirius replied, grinning, "So, you're staying, right? Not   
rushing off?"  
  
"I suppose so," Remus replied, his reluctant tone betrayed by his grin.  
  
"Good, we have catching up to do," Sirius said, pulling Remus into another hug.  
  
"That we do, Padfoot, that we do," Remus muttered, resting his head against Sirius's   
shoulder.  
  
And both of them were relieved that Hogwarts was finally beginning to feel like home   
again.  
  
And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to  
  
**End**  
  
Feedback is greatly appreciated! 


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